Footsteps

I am Broken.
I know i am Broken, i know that i am Damaged.
For as long as i can recall i have known that i am Broken, Damaged beyond repair. At least to my previous state of self. I am far too damaged for that to be possible (in any meaningful sense). Would i do so if it were?
To be whole. To be intact. To be pristine. What would that be like.
That is something i cannot even imagine. All i can remember is being broken; before i even realised that i was. These cracks & chips eroding my sense of self, they were normal, weren't they. Part of growing up.

So why didn't that seem right.
So why was it i felt there was something wrong. I tried to consider that normal. I was the same as everyone else.
Truth be told, i wasn't very convincing.
& i knew it.

Comparing myself to those about, there was something missing. Comparing myself to those around the same age, the difference was obvious.
I was damaged. I was Broken.
I had no idea as to the cause, i only knew that i was.
Not much to go on, is it.
Perhaps i really was as crazy as others around me seemed to think - & still do. There were times i even believed that, embraced it.

Realising that didn't help.
Realising that only served to cloud my sight & cause me to stumble & lose my path.

I am Broken!
I am Damaged!
I am defined by that.

Yet, knowing that, i regain a measure of control over my thoughts, my actions, my pieces of self as they slither through my fingers.

Which means i can find my feet again.